so, as i was studying… or … reading notes… listening to this old song… it got me into writing the lyrics down using pen and paper (see picture below) …
now it really feels like studying… too bad i wasn’t writing anything useful for my exam tomorrow
What a coincident, after renaming this blog to “inside my igloo,” I discover this new song by F.I.R. called the “Polar Circle” that I really like. Aside from the mixing and music, the lyrics is superb as well.
我不要聽藉口 我只想一人走掉
我不要求什麼 我只想不被打擾
i usually barely share my personal thoughts with many people. like everyone, i only share with my very close friends. however, what i found lately is that i started to share these personal feelings with people outside of my comfort zone, people other than my super close friends.
partly becos’ my issues are caused by my very good friends, so i m not completely comfortable sharing any of those thoughts with them…yet. i guess not until i m ready for it.
honestly, 90% of the time, i tried to solve any problem myself before i really talk about it with anyone. usually when i start to talk about it, i already got over it myself.
this time, it’s different, maybe because it’s something i can’t really solve by my own. so i asked for opinions and solutions. i turned to my parents, i turned to my very good friends from the other side of the world, the ones who have no connection with the group of friends i m having trouble with right now. i also turned to my colleagues. and, i turned to a friend that i know for a few years, but i wouldn’t count him as a friend: he’s more like one of those people you met at random times, i sorta keep in touch with him.. but very occasionally.
what’s interesting is that i started to share my personal feelings with him and his other friend quite a lot. i found myself telling him a lot… probably too much.
as soon as i started to look for outside opinions, i started to question myself – i started to feel bad cos’ i can tell this is a warning sign about my other friendship/social circle. i dun trust them anymore. i dun feel comfortable talking to them. i dun feel good about the whole situation at all.
having half of myself outside of my “old” comfort zone makes me wonder, is this really my comfort zone? why am i in there in the first place? well, is there really a comfort zone for me? why am i feeling a little more comfortable outside of my comfort zone? what’s wrong with all this? what does this really mean?
interestingly, he and his friend actually asked me if i still count them as my best friends? my answer was: “i dunno.” well, are they really my best friends?
am i really getting out of my comfort zone? or am i expanding it? or did i just hop to another comfort zone, and leaving that old one completely?
i know it’s not like i can weight a relationship. but part of my questions is that if i really leave this old comfort zone, and nobody cared. why on earth do i bother this much to even blog about it.
now, i’m questioning myself: why am i so easily offended?
i kinda feel bad about all this! did she say all this to make me look bad? did she do this just to make the others feel better? am i too sensitive? or am i over-reacting?
but i felt that her writings had “bones” in it… she’s trying to imply something. and these thoughts are burning me like crazy!
that was by far the most *ridiculous* birthday party I’ve been to! I don’t know anyone but the birthday boy.
maybe the original idea was cool, and very favourable, it just didn’t turn out quite the way he expected.
i made some new friends (i supposed) – but i think i am way too protective, and introverted than anyone would have imagined. technically, i am afraid of people. i simply wanted to avoid any kind of interaction with strangers.
ahhh… i dunno, it was just weird!
when the birthday boy called me the next day and asked how i felt, i was totally freaked! i mean, i didn’t feel bad and i dun think i hated anyone i met that night… i just thought it was awkward. but he said he just wanted to help out… it was very nice of him to say that – but, sigh, i feel bad to say this – but half of myself was thinking if it was a joke or a game he came up with.
for some strange reason, i dun seem to quite trust him (haha) … i should have thought of this when he first invited me to his birthday party.
Word of the Day for Tuesday December 20, 2005
digerati \dij-uh-RAH-tee\, plural noun:
Persons knowledgeable about computers and technology.
As high tech spreads outward from Silicon Valley to American society at large and people spend more and more time in cyberspace, the journalist Paulina Borsook steps back to look at the digerati and their view of the world.
–Michiko Kakutani, “Silicon Valley Views the Economy as a Rain Forest,” New York Times, July 25, 2000[T]his week, over 3,000 digerati will converge at a swank theater where chef Julia Child and pundit Arianna Huffington, among others, will judge 135 Web sites.
–David Whitman, “The calm before the storms,” U.S.News & World Report, May 15, 2000
Quite interesting… I don’t think I am a total digerati at all! I do hope I am at least half a digerati though…