sonson.org

the last two weeks was rough for me; my brain was working too hard trying to figure out if i should attend the wedding reception or not. my mind was playing tennis on its own: i was going from a “yes” on wednesday to a “no” on thursday, and then back to a “yes” on friday – and i even ironned my skirt on friday afternoon – and then it swinged back to a “no” on friday night.

part of the debate was that i didn’t want to be regret for the decision i made. but then every time when i think about this, it got me into a really bad and cranky mood.

should i really be the person to feel regret? I do feel sorry for “losing” a friend like this. but, wait, i dun really regret for what had happened. from time to time, i thought – well, no one ever apologize to me. hmm.. that doesn’t matter anymore. harm is already done.

up to this moment, what bothers me the most is that how a friend who i know for almost 10 years could think of me and treat me as if i was a unfriendly stranger – cos’ i believe anyone would treat a stranger better than how i was being treated.

i m very, very disappointed about this so-call friendship and i m still angry about how i was treated. there’s no faith in between the two of us anymore. at least, i dun see any from her… honestly, i was only thinking that it was her communication skills or organizational skills that keeps her from communicating with me more effectively. but i NEVER, i swear, i NEVER thought of her like how she thought of me at all.

though i do take partial reponsibility for the fall of our “friendship,” as building a friendship, or any kind of relationship, does take efforts from both parties…

it is just sad, very sad that how it ended up like this. i do hope she had a great day as she is heading to another stage of her life. and well, i kinda still care even though i m still mad.

Lessons learned: Lack of communication is bad. Making assumptions without any verification on top of a communication breakdown is even worse.

so then i got this very cranky message about NOT being able to help someone for her own thing this weekend.

to me, it is completely ridiculous and irresponsible. it’s not like we’re working on a group project or something, it’s your own thing. you can totally complain to others if all of us are working on a project together, and you ended up working on it all by yourself.

but this is not the case! you can’t just go and blame others for not helping. i dun think anyone else other than yourself is responsible for your stuff. especially when you are asking for others’ favour, the other side can refuse your request by any means.

and then if you needed help so desperately, please consider other communication channels, there are more than just emails. oh, and please list your “conditions” if needed, dun complain to others if you have a special deadline that everyone needs to commit to.